Florida Freaky Fridays: Tonight’s Gonna Be a Butt Night
Last time on Florida Freaky Fridays: peckish man bites dog while naked and Satanists declare their man to be Governor Rick Scott, at least as governor of Florida. So what have we lined up today? Reading on is probably your best way knowing.
Man Puts Illegal Junk in People’s Trunks
OK, we might have made this story sound a little more salacious than it actually is (only a little though) but what sub-heading isn’t vastly improved by paraphrasing a Black-Eyed Peas song? Nothing, in fact everything is improved by adding Black Eyed Peas to it. Except food and music. Anyway we had a story to report and damn it if we’re not going to get around to reporting it. The hero of this particular tale is Calvin Edward Butler who, as you might have guessed from our cryptic heading, has been giving people in Palm Beach illegal butt enhancements.
At least two victims of the posterior predator have come forward. The first, a woman, began suffering from severe pain, oozing wounds and swollen lymph nodes after the treatment and was eventually put in hospital. The second, a male victim, was admitted to Palm Beach Gardens Medical Center when he started suffering from giant sores. After operating on the sores doctors discovered cultures with MRSA and other bacteria.
Butler wasn’t finished with his male victim though. Perhaps feeling guilty he paid his friend a visit. Dressed as a woman. He was apparently angry that he had gone to the hospital with his diseased backside. The quack doctor is being held on $15,000 bond.
Let’s squat it started, in my £2.5m mansion
It’s always nice to live in luxury. Usually though you have to work hard, sleep with an ugly person or be born with silver sausages in your roll. Not André Barbosa. The clever 23-year old has just moved into a $2.5 million mansion in Boca Raton using an obscure Florida real estate law to make a claim on the foreclosed house. Basically he’s invoking a law called “adverse possession”. It allows someone to lay claim to a property if they can stay there for seven years. The real owners of the mansion, Bank of America, are looking into things and, presumably, talking to their lawyers.
Mayors manly humps bring victory in body-building contest
Where do ex-mayors go when they are unceremoniously booted from office? In some cases they retire gracefully, in others they return shamelessly, then they are the relatively small number who become body-builders. We’re pretty sure that number is one.
We’re talking here about ex Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez who left office in March and hasn’t been heard of since. That is until he appeared looking remarkably buff and took first prize in the National Physique Committee’s South Florida “Over-60s” body-building competition (now there’s a mouthful). The body-building mayor has now qualified for the Junior National Master’s competition.